U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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