i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
