she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
How does one acquire holy water?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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