I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
