I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
