Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
