I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
