There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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