unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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