I'm so fucking centered right now
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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