My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
