I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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