Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
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this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
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Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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