You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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