i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
my poor anus
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
