Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
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I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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