I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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