I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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