the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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