i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
