I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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