our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
