im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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