I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Randomize
