I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
