I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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