I feel like abortions should bother me more
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
