Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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