I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I am spending my child support on dildos
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
