She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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