My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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