God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
