at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
