we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
