Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
