I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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