We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
