Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
