it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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