they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
