I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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