i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
