We named our party play list daddy issues
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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