She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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