I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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