what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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