it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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