I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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