i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
