I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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