the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
