Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
