every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
