Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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