so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i will never coherently bang her
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
