I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I would fuck him just for his dog
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize