My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
This is my gift to your gina
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
