I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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