Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
