My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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