Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
