u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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