Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
pray to the hookup gods
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
