kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
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Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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