Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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