so that wasnt chicken after all
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize
