I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
