Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
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she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
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My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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