if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
it hurts more in the daytime
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
