just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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